Toot de Suite!

[Vanilla]

First day Ceroc!

I am almost envious as I remember my dancing awakening. So I am so excited for you. Go enjoy yourself.

Move that body and relax it is so fun!

Change in your life, and let go of expectation.

V

[rd500]

Enjoy the dancing Toots Take care. Rd

[gan]

Toots, I saw you write this on the sandi2 WW thread:

Thanks for the perspective Patient Man, and Wonka for clarifying further. I guess at the time, provocative dressing seemed quite a superficial thing to me, in the context of him having an ongoing A. And I also struggled because I have met OW and she dresses provocatively for work - lots of breast on show and tight red dresses. And I felt he was 'trying' to turn me into OW, and have me strut about the house in red dresses.

And then he said - of course not when SS is around. So I felt a bit like - so you want me to parent your S, and then dress like a prostitute. Where's me in all of this? I don't dress like that?

So, I didn't dismiss it to him. I did think a lot about it and he and I talked about it. And I have thought about it a lot since. And my overall take on it was that we let some of the passion ebb away, and our LM became more routine, and that it was more about us keeping the passion alive and kicking - than me wearing thigh high lace up boots with lots of breast on show every day.

to which I responded:

Toots - you are not alone here. I recall a similar conversation with my H pre-BD. He wanted me to wear more sexy stuff and I felt near insulted by the superficiality of that request at a time when I felt we had more important issues to address. I think it was a very MAFM WAFV moment.

Something I have been mulling over for a while now - do you think there is ever a time to express regret over our reactions to this? I mean, in hindsight, it would have been a relatively simple thing to do, right?

Amsterdam was interesting - the red light district I mean. Whereas my H's request that I dress more sexy made me feel subordinate (a trigger for me), walking around the red light district I couldn't help but think that many of the ladies actually looked rather empowered. Actually I had less of an issue with them and more of an issue with the British lads who infiltrated the city on the Friday night to seek their services.

Anyway, this is getting a bit personal so I understand if you don't want to go there...

[Pink17]

Hi Ladies,

If your ask here in this board, you will find a lot of other girls dealing with the same issue.

Many of us felt that we had a lot on our plate to deal with and that the super sexy stuff was not number one in our list. It's probably were we forgot that men is some kind of animal, selfish in many ways and that they need the extra to keep going.

Many, many women (not all I would say), have the instinct of dealing with protection. We are born with survival skills and we get involved in making the best of a household that is secure, business are taking care off, it is all done for the peace of the home, we have food, good shelter.

My mom told me another day that my grandmother said it to her one day too: A happy marriage has a spouse during the day in a house and a prostitute during the night in the bedroom.

My mother also struggled with this same issue. Like I am now, my mom was a wife, a mother, a friend, housekeeper, secretary, gardener, teacher, therapist, accounting... but she forgot to be a prostitute.

I made many mistakes in my M, and the biggest one was this, sex became a second plan, sex became dull, not so exciting. If I ask myself now, I would say was not good even for me.

This is a lesson learned for me. I don't want to take it for granted anymore, instead I want to learn from my own mistakes and fake morals.

Hope you can find balance in what is right for you Toots, there is nothing wrong once in four walls with the man you love.

Love,
Pink

[Sotto]

Thanks Guys. V and RD, I really enjoyed the Ceroc today! Friendly people and good fun. I was pretty tired by the end of the session though. There were around 20 people there, most of whom have been to a few classes. Me and a couple of others were complete beginners. Wow - learning 12 moves was a lot to take in and it is a bit of a blur now.

I'll definitely start going to a class though, and will check out another workshop going forwards too.

Thanks Gan and Pink. Gan, I don't know is the honest answer. I did say to H that I agreed about our love life and was more than willing to work on that. I guess if we talk about reconciling, we'll look at some of this. Otherwise, I think it is best left alone.

Pink, thanks for posting. I guess it's true isn't it. Life gets in the way of things, and I'm sure we all took things for granted. And were taken for granted too. Lots of lessons to learn..

Hope you are all having a lovely weekend xx

[rd500]

Great you enjoyed the dancing Toots Huge GAL points.


Take. Rd. Xx

[Pink17]

Hi T,

I am so happy you enjoyed the dancing class. It's amazing isn't it?

I did dance on a Polish Folcloric Group for about 7 1/2 years. It was super. I really enjoyed it. No saying that growing up in Brasil, it was all about dancing.

Our parties are nothing if we don't have dance, loud music and a lot of beer.

I am thinking to join a Zumba dance class. I have a friend that is giving classes and she was telling me how good it is for your body and spirit. My younger sister in Brasil joined a Zumba group about a year ago and she said it is the best decision she took. Will check on that and let you know.

I am always amazed of how strong a person you are. Have been trying to be like you lately. I have been in a H roller coaster and got the conclusion that I am going on cheeseless tunnels for a long time. H is controlling everything. Time to be Toots and be strong like Toots.

You are awesome and is the admiration of all of us here.

Love,
Pink

[Vanilla]

Mega GAL points x2 as there were 20 in the class!

V is quite happy to be a tacky t on occasion. must borrow Gg kick ass heels, basques et al. Shame my H likes the baggy jumper look. At least on the fish wife.....

V

[jim0987]

Hi Toots,

Glad you enjoyed the Ceroc and are feeling better about the waiting for your H to give an answer (don't).

Your situation reminded me of a particular song but my public shame resistance prevents me from saying which one.

I hope you don't mind but I want to offer a male perspective (well mine anyway) on the whole dressing provocatively thing in part because it was one if my complaints (and upset me to see my W dressing for OM)

Its a male ego thing, its not so much about women dressing provocatively its about making the effort to show that you want your H - men connect through sex and the better the sex the better the connection. When a wife won't make the effort its like a big neon sign that says to the H 'you're not worth it'

[Sotto]

Thanks Jim, it helps to know the male perspective. It's almost like a love languages thing. I would do other things to show H I loved him. Cook him a nice meal, light some candles and so on. And after BD he acknowledged how much tenderness there always was. But it's true that I stopped making such an effort to dress/look nice 'for him.' Although I'm no slouch on the appearances front - a onesie and ugg girl I'm not!