Devotion To A Dream 3

[phunguy]

I walked around for a few hours last night. My brain is fried. I can never look at her the same. She told me I had been correct to be suspicious of her all these years and even though I tried to keep her on a short leash my efforts were fruitless. And that I am correct she is never able to find happiness within herself(for years I told her that happiness comes from the self because she always seemed to seek happiness from the exterior) that she cannot define what happiness is for her. She knows she needs help she told me she is afraid to get help. She said men are always coming after her that they are dogs and I am the one man she ever felt close to and loved. That for her sex is power and confidence and she needs that feeling.

She apologized for being a horrible person that she's worse than she would ever want me to know. She never deserved me or my love. That I was always the ideal she hoped to live up to. That my morals and ethics were unfound in her life and she knew that I was the best man to have children and a marriage with because she also needed that. She said the thing that made her feel the need to confess was that I said we would not be friends, I told her a few weeks ago, I did not sign up to be her friend that I signed up to be her husband. She said that had hit her hard because she had always seen me as her best friend. I told her things would never be the same and that she could try to earn my friendship in the future but she knows the rigorous standards I have to be considered a true friend. I am a great friend and have many friends that are close to me since childhood. I beleive in nothing, my life has not been what it seemed.

Thank god I have a major GAL activity today and I will not be any where near the house. I don't know about anything any more.