Phun, I'm so very sorry to hear that. As others have said, that must have been very hard to hear. People say that finding out about things like this really pull the rug out from under you and undermine times in your R when you felt happy - violates your memories.
On the plus side (and I appreciate this may not feel in any way a plus) your W has been more honest with you, and isn't continuing with the deception that was. But I can see that multiple affairs over a period of years is a big concern. In a book I read recently, the WS in this kind of scenario was called 'Don Juan - or Don Juanita' - someone who 'needs' something outside of M to affirm them.
They are described as superficially confident, but with low self esteem. They want to escape from unpleasant feelings and use sex and the thrill of the chase to do this. They often have a distorted picture of how their behaviour affects others. Usually there has been some trauma (often sexual abuse for women) that leads to this behaviour.
Breaking this cycle is particularly difficult and requires the WS to recognise the impact of the behaviour and deal with the underlying issues. Much like another WS, but more complex and difficult to do for them.
The main thing right now is to look after yourself and process the information. Start to deal with the new trauma and move forwards from there. Protect yourself and your kids. Only you can decide what you want to do and how you need to move forwards. Keep posting Phun. This is horrible, and you will get through it - but it will take time.
(((Phun)))
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
