Been having a little rough go the last couple of days. I have been physically exhausted and having trouble with my energy. I just cannot seem to get enough sleep. I have been exercising but I think that grieving is wearing me out.
On Thursday I went out with a couple of friends and drank too much. I saw a coworker of my XW and it brought up a bunch of feelings about my situation. She basically alluded to the fact that my XW and her OM were off and on when we were trying to fix our M. It makes sense and explains a lot of her wild swings in feelings. It still hurts to think about though.
I have been angry lately. Angry at my XW and angry at my situation. Angry at being betrayed by my XW. Angry that my oldest son cries for a half an hour for his mom when I pick him up on my nights.
I just don't know what I am feeling or how to feel, I have just been feeling pretty blah. I had been feeling up for a little while, but now not so much. I know this will pass, but I need to get through it.
I just don't want to feel down emotionally and physically. I think part of it is that I don't have the boys this weekend and I didn't really make and solid plans so sitting at home when it is quiet has me thinking too much. Also I have become disgusted at the sight of people in love. I am pretty sure it is a normal part of the grieving process, but this anger is new to me.
I did have a good time on Friday and though I would ride the momentum into the weekend, but it didn't happen. It was fun though, my friend called and at the drop of a hat we drove two and a half hours both ways to watch Bad Religion play. I have been waiting 15 years to see them. It was a great time and a much needed break from what is going on.
M:34 XW:34 Together: 10y Living: 9y Married: 7y Son:6 Son:4 Separated: 12/28/13 Piecing: 5/2/14 Separated 2nd: 10/16/14 W filed, but pulled it: 11/5/14 papers served: 1/27/15 D final: 3/6/15
