Enjoying the ride

[Zues126]

Thanks for the post Toots. It's just another way that we learn how life doesn't always work out the way we expect it.

The other thing I have been working on with my DB coach is my personal growth goals. Again, my goal is to get to a spot where I'm both happy on my own, but also readier than ever to be in a healthy M.

In some ways M seems almost impossible. But then, that's also because most people (including me and STBX) just expected it to work out. Yeah, we figured we'd have to resolve a few disputes, compromise a few times, etc. But we were approaching it like it would just take good intentions and a little maintenance here and there. I didn't realize what it REALLY took.

I think about what I put into pool. What I put into my job. I put in a TREMENDOUS amount of hours and energy. I studied, sacrificed, practiced, and didn't settle until I was where I wanted to be. I realize that for an M to work I must put in the same type of priority and focused effort. I wish that was taught, but like finances most people just have to fend for themselves. I am glad I'll be able to teach this to my children at least, although I'm hoping to show them as well.

I know what I'll be looking for in my next partner is someone that shares that attitude, and is serious about a lasting M. Not just WANTING a lasting M, but who feels the start of a new R is like the first steps of a climb up mount Everest. The uncommitted need not apply.

I am reaching a spot of true forgiveness for my own faults as I didn't know better and we are all flawed. Likewise, I am forgiving my STBX for leaving, as SHE didn't know better either. Now I'm looking forward. My R with my sister is important because since I'm a ways out from another woman, my interpersonal relationships are my best chance to test my growth. So I'm excited to put the best ME forward.

Funny, I am doing well on my own and proud of who I've become. I'm still a little impatient to get to my next R. Partly because I really want to test myself with that challenge (I am a competitor!), partly because I miss the companionship. But I know I still need to let that go and get more and more comfortable on my own, and I still have way too much baggage to bring into a new R. Not to mention I'm still married

OK, love to all of you, take care and goodnight!