Confused & mix messages part 2

[Cherry]

Yeah he frequently doesn't come home at the weekend now. He claims he isn't with OW but obviously I don't know what to believe anymore. I try not to ask questions now though about that.

You see that is where I do need to strike my balance between the being overly happy to almost giving him the silent treatment. Sometimes I feel I manage to pull it off but I'm almost emotionless, or as if he is just a friend visiting- which to be honest is what he is starting to seem more like. It doesn't feel as if I have a husband anymore.

With regards to dinner, I've also got quite good at that. In the early days I would either hang around- or I would just end up going to bed as I had no appetite. Now I cook, I eat and if he's there, he's there if not- not. But I do often message to say it will be in the fridge etc.

Again hindsight shows me I got very insecure and very dependent upon him. But I got sick during my pregnancy and then had a very traumatic labour which I'm still healing from- so I know I did rely on him emotionally and physically. I was super independent when he met me and quite confident. This is one of my self goals to get me back there- not just for him to take note but for me and my child as I hadn't even realised I became this other woman! I'm about to get back to work, so I'm hoping that can only help me with my goals but also help him to see me as more than just the mother of his child too.
He does have low self esteem. His bragging was a turn off for me when I met him- the confidence I liked, the bragging- not so much. It was only when I got to know him did I see the low self esteem. His bragging was a bit of an act- a barrier in a sense. I can't quite understand why he is trying to act in front of me again though.
I'm going to work on the admiration part. Again, thanks for helping me out here.
I have read the detachment before but although I have struggled to grasp the concept- I have been implementing it. I'm part way through DR but baby isn't sleeping well right now so literally don't get a second to myself!