Wow, I read that 2 times, and when I get a new ink cartridge Im going to print it out!
Some of these things ExH has already done, but I never thought about it as him entering the reality/acceptance phase. What caught my attention was that the MLCer will start to show interest in things prior MLC. Friends, family, and pets.
Last Christmas I spoke with ex MIL, and she told me how XH had invited her and her XH (someone My XH hated with a purple passion)to Christmas! D12 told me how Ex H started talking about our old pets and how he missed our first dog together that has been dead 12 years now. He said he wanted another dog. Part of his MLC was complete contempt for our animals, when he used to be the one that was always bringing a kitten home!
The past month, thoughts of him have been intrusive and I cant understand why. I've been so "over this", at least I thought. 2 weeks ago I was having the most lovely dinner with my boyfriend, just enjoying his company and conversation. While we were at dinner, every damn song that came on over the sound system were songs that were really popular during my first few years of marriage. Songs always take me back to certain times in my life. Song after song, I was starting to get a little pissed because not only had XH been popping up in my mind, but then every damn song that came on reminded me of us... WHILE IM WITH MY BOYFRIEND.
I quickly just brushed it aside, and chose to ignore it. Then two days later it dawned on me. The night of the dinner and mental intrusive thoughts would have been our 22nd wedding anniversary. I had completely forgotten march 13th as our wedding anniversary. It didn't even dawn on me at all, till 2 days afterwards that was the day.
Im still freaked out about that.
Im still seeing my boyfriend of 2 years now. The one that really has some issues and really has some damage. We've become so close, yet completely acknowledging we have issues that may never allow us to take this relationship any further than it is now! Which is long distance, see each other a weekend or two a month. We constantly stay in contact by text. He's cooled his temperament quite a bit.
My boyfriend has confided in me the horrific abuse he suffered as a child/teenager.I cried our of sheer horror of what he told me. He's admitted it caused alot of strife with him and his anger issues through his life. However I've told him time and time again that it doesn't make it ok for him to behave like an A$$ now as an adult and I won't tolerate it.
I've taken all my lessons I've learned in this MLC scenario and have applied it to my relationship with boyfriend, and his issues he deals with. It's helped me so much! And I do believe helps him too.
