Confused & mix messages part 2

[sandi2]

Good job in cutting the nagging, b/c it's hard to do. Especially when we women wonder if they can't see the garbage needs to be carried out, or whatever. We have to remind them each and every time?

I don't think I nag him anymore- however I do wonder if I sound too cheery, when I ask is he coming back that night or the next day and I say "okay, I'll see you then" I wonder if I'm doing the wrong thing my making it sound like its a reasonable thing to be doing.

Has there been times he hasn't come home? As in, choosing to be elsewhere?

My suggestion is not to ask any questions about his plans or when he might decide to show up. Do you have dinner the same every night? If it were me, I would have a reasonable set time for the family's evening meal together. Unless he works such hours that you have to have a more flexible meal schedule. Otherwise, you should cook dinner and eat at your regular time, and if he doesn't show up for dinner, don't wait on him. Don't try to keep everything warm on the stove. Just go about your evening activities as usual. Come bedtime and he's still not there, don't wait up. Don't call and ask him anything. Don't leave the porch light on for him. Go about your life as if normal.

Here's another point, don't show him you are upset that he was not home when dinner was ready, or at bedtime. Don't guilt him about not spending time with the baby, etc. You know how we women want to punish with the silent treatment or some such coldness? Don't do it. Just keep moving forward. He has to see you being a woman he wants to spend time around. So, you know throwing a fit or crying isn't going to be what he chooses to be around.

Don't go overboard and throw yourself at his feet. Stay balanced, here. For now, work on just staying calm and not reacting to him. Don't be overly happy or cheerful when you see him after he's been out all night. But neither react in the other direction.



If you are a SAHM, it is easy to fall into feeling a dependency on him financially, and in other ways. Therefore, you may need to guard yourself from being too inquisitive.

Him asking you if he looks good, may be his way of fishing for a compliment. Even his bragging. You can respond with something in your own personality like, "I'll have to admit, you look good in those jeans". Something that feeds his ego.

I can't stand a bragger, but I was told once that some men who brag actually have a low self-esteem. Considering he is in an EA, do you think it may describe your H?

Though I am unsure how to implement lovingly distancing myself whilst making him feel desired etc.

I understand. I went into a lot more detail in my lost post.

Maybe you identify detaching as distancing from his presence. I am going to copy and paste a post from a former member who described the detaching in detail. I hope you read it carefully.

I tell you what, why don't you just think about how to implement more show of admiration, and not worry about the desire for now. If he feels that you admire him. I think he will eventually believe you desire him as a man.

Some LBS read a lot of advice and try to apply everything in one sweep. Some things just take practice and time.