I met with my counsellor this week and we did a cost / benefit analysis of some possible options to improve my situation. Below is a brief summary.
Leave home and stay with my mum when I come back to see the kids.
Costs
I won’t be able to return to the house and live with my kids.
I will be removed with fewer chances to demonstrate positive changes.
It may be a step towards OM becoming the kids step dad.
I would have to move everything of mine out.
I may lose joint ownership of many items if I don’t want anything to do with her. (Possibly a knee jerk passive aggressive response but maybe still valid anyway.)
I may have to move some stuff stored in my mum’s barn back in.
Benefits
I wouldn’t have to see her and therefore reduce the stress and hurt.
I could hand over all responsibilities of running the house to her.
My mum would like it if I moved in with her at weekends.
WW not at home when I’m around every week or every other weekend.
Costs
It would enable WW to continue her affair more easily.
There would be some impact on the children as we would not be doing things as a family.
Benefits
I wouldn’t have to see her and therefore reduce the stress and hurt.
WW would have to take on responsibility for her weekend.
I could do what I want on my weekend with the kids.
I would have a weekend free.
Keep things as they are
Costs
Continue to take responsibility for house, chores, bills etc.
Pain: the risk of feeling miserable very weekend.
I can’t do what I want and get on with my own life.
Benefits
Seeing the kids every weekend helps me stay positive.
Demonstrating positive change to WW.
We left it like that but with a couple of things to think about this week.
Are there any other changes that can be made?
How will the kids be affected?
M: 57 / EW: 52 T: 21, M: 8 S: 18, S: 15 Bomb: 1 Jun 14 EA Aug 2014 I think PA Feb 2015 possibly sooner
