Hi Cherry. I wrote out a very long post to you over on my thread. Just as I almost ready to submit it, I accidentally deleted it.
Maybe I'll eventually get around to saying it all again, but for now let me just make a couple of comments. My H and I had a baby our first year of M. I had just turned 19. Although I was not treated for postpartum depression, I had it for a long time. It affected my sex drive and as well as other feelings. The first year is hard enough without adding the responsibilities of parenthood. So much adjustment!
It is not easy after having a baby. Most of our time, energy and attention is directed toward our infant. That's one reason young couples can have problems to crop up. Many young men feel a certain jealousy. Not that they don't love their child, but b/c they don't have the W's undivided attention. Many won't admit it, b/c it sounds rather selfish. On the other hand, many women fail to see .....or don't care that the H feels this way. Her motherly instincts for that child is so new and powerful that it is foremost telling her to put that baby first. And, that is nature, I believe.
So much of ourself is given to the care of the baby, that other things begin to slide by the wayside. We don't have the time to primp and look sizzling hot for H's arrival home after work. Any energy we have, has to go toward what we see as necessary, right? Believe me, I understand.
My M fell into a serious drop in our sex life. That's tough on a young H. Another thing a young H and father faces is the weight of the responsibility for a child and W. For some men, the reality hits after the child is actually born. Unless he has a very well paying and secure job, he feels the pressure of that role as provider and protector.
You and your H are 25. I don't know how mature 25's you are, but a baby causes a woman to grow up pretty fast. For some men, too. Other men can get afraid and start resisting the reality of his new life. Know what I mean? "Just don't want to be M any longer". Can't give you a solid reason they want out, etc.
Now I am going to be real blunt with you, so don't get offended. You have to do more than "try" not to nag. It must stop completely. Period, over and out. That's all there is to it. We women do not know what that does to a man. But if you hear anything I say, hear this........you cannot nag him and expect him to want to do what he should. It works the opposite way with men. You get a horse to do more with a lump of sugar than whipping him. Men look at nagging like a whip. Oh, and get this, a man's definition of nagging is when a woman says it more than once.........ever. If she's ever mentioned it once in her lifetime!
Okay, another mistake young mothers make is not distinguishing her roles. It's a comon mistake. We get use to dealing with the kids all day and when H comes home we just throw him in the mix. You now have two separate roles, not just one. You are a wife and a mother. Do not act like his mother. Who wants to have sex with their mother? Do you want him to think of you as his mother? I don't think so. Then stop treating him like he's another child, b/c I promise you, he will sulk and act up just like one.
Another woman is doing what you haven't been doing for him. Making him feel important, sexy, desired, and respected. You hear all the time how men cheat b/c the OW made him feel more like a man.
Look at his actions, not his words. He says he wants to have sex with you but he's sleeping in a separate BR. So maybe your looks are fine, IDK. But if so, then that means it is your ways that have turned him off. For a man, it is important that we women desire him, and not only sexually, but like in showing admiration for him. If you are acting more llike his mother, nagging, questioning him, etc., he thinks you don't admire him as a man. Sweetheart, that is what men need. That male ego food from women.
He may not know how to communicate his need to you. As I tell the LBH'S, this won't be solved through heart to heart talks right now. Change your action, and I think you can see a change in your M. ((hugs))
Ha! So much for a "couple" of comments.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
