Thanks, Maybell. You guys can't help me unless I'm honest, and I need some outside voices, I feel so lost and used and discarded.
I am such a 'strong' person in my real life. I flat out asked my IC if she thought I was a bit codependent - she said it's possible but she doubted it. But I feel like I was enabling my H's poor mental health a lot, and the more I would try to draw some reasonable lines, the more he would pout and scream about how I didn't have his best interests in mind. And I second guessed everything when I started DR. I no longer felt justified in kicking him out...maybe I was terribly insensitive to his depression and what not.
How bad was his mental health? Was he a troubled person, the enraged child/man trying to be better and grow up? Or was there a bit of a sociopath lurking there with me? Our dog, that he claimed he couldn't have survived the ordeal without...he never said goodbye to her as he left that day or even asked me for her. The giggling on the couch the day after we agreed to D...so alien to me.
It does scare me that either way...this went on. I feel like vomiting when I think of trusting anyone else again.
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
