On the brink, need a miracle

[Onguard]

It's been a while since I have posted and a lot has happened. First, my depression has lifted! It is literally like someone has turned on the lights for the first time in over a year. I cannot begin to explain how much depression affects one's ability to be emotionally strong. In the past few weeks since I have been feeling better I have finally been able to execute the key principles of Divorce Busting. And I have been doing it for ME. And guess what... It has had a big effect on my ww's behavior towards me. She is texting me multiple times per day, she is asking me to go on date nights, she is sitting next to me, holding my hand, asking for a hug, initiating talks about our M and the future.

For the first time since this nightmare began she does not have all the power. She is asking me if I have found someone else. She clearly sees that she is losing me, which she is, and it is causing her to react. What is equally interesting is that the more she chases me the less I want her! Talk about role reversal.

We are far from trying any R and I know that both of our feelings are going to be up and down but I am in such a better place now than I was just 1 month ago. I have updated my wardrobe, been working out like a machine, focusing on my career which is going great, taking trips with my kids and just enjoying my life again! I feel incredible! It's like I have been reborn. For all of you who supported me when I was really suffering I cannot thank you enough. You were all right, it does get better and I will be fine.

As for my M, I am not sure which way it's going to go. I would still say the odds of R are slim. So much damage has been done that I don't know where we would start. I am being cordial and loving towards my ww. But I am no longer doing any form of pursuing. Zero. My plan is to continue to do what I have been doing over the past few weeks and see how she responds. If there is ever going to be a R, she is going to have to want it as badly as I do. She is pursuing me as I said above but I know that her feelings are still not there for me. I believe she feels me slipping away and is grasping to regain control as opposed to really feeling like she wants to return to the M. But I am going to be fine either way.