Dropping in to say Hi!

[Kimmerz]

Hello Fellow MLC family!

I've been silently checking in from time to time, reading posts, identifying, and realizing I've come so far from the first time I started posting here.

Please remember dear LBS's, keep putting one foot in front of the other. At times it will seem so monotonous, just keeping on, one miserable step at a time. But then, something short of a miracle or a miracle will come. It may be a sudden realization of something, or just something someone says to you, a pearl of wisdom shared that will just give you a fresh breath of air! Then the motivation to keep marching on comes and you're off once again. Sometimes the motivation will be the MLCer doing one more CRAZY THING, only to remind you.... HEY THIS IS CRAZY!!!! Maybe Im the one with my feet on the ground despite this storm of insanity I fight daily.

I come here to read, to regain my sanity when I get haunted from memories regarding my XH MLC and the insanity that followed during separation, during the divorce, and most definitely 2 years after divorce.

2011 we were separated and papers filed. 2012 divorce final. 2012-2014 still continued to have nothing but crazy ass crap from him. 2014 Ex H married OW.

I find myself baffled and come here for pearls of wisdom from anyone that's further down the path than me. Im feeling very confused about how my relationship has changed for THE BETTER with ExH. At times goes on, believe it or not, it seems to be getting better. And it scares me. It scares me, because the raw truth is, I do not trust him enough to give him my true friendship again.

AS horrible as everything was during this crisis, what devastated me the most was our friendship being so violated. I do understand NOW that ExH was not in a place where he could ever prioritize such a thing as true friendship despite the marriage was falling apart. As we know, MLCER's priorities are ALL ABOUT THEM!

Xh has completely put the battle ax down. I can say that within the last year he has been completely a different person, and this is in a good way. He no longer plays mental games at every chance he gets. There is no more "silent treatment", and he responds almost immediately if I text him in regards to our D12. D15 still refuses to speak to him. If I have to contact him first, he always responds, and always very nice and friendly.

Xh briefly spoke to me about D15 not speaking to him a while ago, and I have since just left it alone. I've accepted that this is not my bridge to mend or my problem to fix, though it's still so very hard to sit by and watch this silent war between them. ExH states he doesn't want to push D15 into speaking to him especially after she blew him off at Christmas time at D12's concert then. I've kept him updated as needed with D15's events and such due to respect that he is her father. D15's grades are excellent and she's looking into college already though she's only in 10th grade. ExH seems very appreciative for keeping him in the loop, and even says THANK YOU to me. 2 years ago, no matter how kind I was or polite, I never got a thank you from him. Ever.

I've tested the waters and have made small talk with him, even more in depth big talk in regards to issues with his mom, and our grandmother's passing, and he's responded kindly, and like a normal person.

I saw him two weeks ago at D12's spring choir concert. We talk in person now, and it's no longer really awkward, it's like it used to be before all hell broke lose 6 - 7 years ago. He genuinely seems happy to see me, relaxed, jovial, and in his odd little way tries to keep the conversation going, when he can't think of anything to say. We smile at each other, and we laugh in regards to funny things with our D12. He's always been kind of socially awkward at keeping conversations going, or trying to keep a person engaged when he still feels to the need to talk. I had forgotten about that, until I noticed him doing it 2 weeks ago.

It seems like things have progressively gotten better the last year.

But it still leaves me baffled as all hell! I remember sucking it up and doing my best to be kind, and friendly, no matter how irritable and pissed off he was. I just kept it up, until at times he'd take things too far, then I would stand up and call a thing a thing.
Of course that always ended up in him either getting enraged and being an a$$ or several weeks of silent treatment and messages through D12 about visitation.

Now that doesn't even happen. Every interaction with him is positive, and nice. He even looks happy and content. And happy and content to see me. This literally blows my mind.

I don't know what to think. Do you suppose he came out of the fog?

I know OW apparently can't work due to odd illness, and no longer can drive. She sleeps odd hours, cooks alot of fattening foods, but doesn't cook regular meals. Ex H still cooks all the meals for D12 when she's there. OW still remains very aloof towards D12, and is more like a piece of furniture when D12 is there. She continues to game all day long, while EXH works full time supporting them. She for the most part is a recluse.

I think what really bothers me the most is that this man went nutts into MLC. The bond we had as friends was completely shattered by his crazy ass behavior. He's doing what he's always done... when he finally gets over HIS ISSUES, then everything is fine, and he acts like nothing ever happened! But Im still screaming inside saying " How could you have done this! You hurt me and the girls so deeply, and now because YOU'RE OVER YOUR CRAP, AND HAVE HAD YOUR TANTRUM, WE CAN BE FRIENDS NOW?????"

Im still not completely healed. I want him to hear and know just how hurt we were. And I never did tell him how hurt I was during the divorce and separation. I just sucked it up and basically said in all my actions " ok buddy, you started this, now Im going to finish it". Telling him how hurt we were was futile at that point! And it probably still is because Im sure his memory of this whole fiasco is completely backwards and skewed!!

Input, and advice greatly appreciated at this point.

Im so confused!!!