I did not write much yesterday because it was an emotional roller coaster. I had to go to W's to get tools. She was having an emotional breakdown and looks horrible. She is totally run down. One person can not do all the things we did together, but she said she would die before admitting she can't. She then started complaining about how much she has to work to pay me off. I did say that this could all have been prevented if she was only willing to work on the marriage.
So then this morning I mailed her a letter letting her know that I am here for her but I will not be texting or calling her anymore. If the time comes I am willing to work on our marriage but I can not do it alone.
Now the challenge is staying busy today. I ran 5 miles earlier this morning. I am going to shower and then try to take a nap. Saturday's are my hardest day to get through.
Errod......
You have to give her a chance to face the consequences of her own actions and not try to be there for her. It doesn't work if you keep telling her, SHE has to learn it on her own. Yes, we all know shes doing this to herself but every time you tell her something like that your pursuing her. All she hears is "you cant do this by yourself, you need me" and that roots her in place of proving you wrong. That's not what you want, but you keep doing it.
Stop all those comments to her about what shes doing or how it could be avoided. SAY NOTHING ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP TO HER. If she brings it up, just listen and validate what you can, and fight the urge to comment. If you don't think you can validate without saying something like that, say nothing, just listen.
Your just fighting yourself with her and making it harder on you. Get out and see an early movie today, the first of the day generally are discounted. Go to a book store and buy "codependent no more", mine is in the mail but it might be something that would benefit you also.
I know this is hard, try to remain strong. You have to detach.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
