Moved in to our new place – it didn't take long as I didn't have anything to move in lol ….working progress !!
Had our first hiccup – I accidentally flooded the laundry; left the plug in the laundry tub and the washing machine drained into it, overflowing …eek! Ended up not only going over the brand new carpet in the hallway, but leaking along the wall into the bedroom (again brand new carpet) and soaking in to my brand new mattress that was on the floor waiting for a base to arrive …. Thankfully it’s still hot here and I am hoping the warmth of the house and the sun will dry everything out before the landlord visits next !!
AND then - got a suggested friend on FB of ow, a profile pic of her and h laughing and smiling … thanks fb; seems that as h and I have mutual friends that’s why she was suggested even though he is no longer on my fb friends.
It all got too much – I had a meltdown; it just seems that ever since I arrived back in NZ everything has compounded into a huge weight of emotions on top of me.
First sorting out s18, getting him out of where he lived, back in to a safe environment, fed and clothed. Unfortunately it meant renting a flat which was not the original plan and that has stretched me financially, which in turn has made me worried about finding work to pay for it all. S18 is going to start paying rent next week which will help. The pressure is now on to find work asap, and with no qualifications or experience it’s going to be a challenge. We don’t have furniture and whilst there is loads of 2nd hand out there, we have no way of picking it up – ahhhhhh. I have found a fridge that can be delivered next week, so hooray :o)
S21 seems to have sorted things out with his d after I spoke to them both last week. S18 told me that he spoke to both of them yesterday and they were happy, ow was there too and they were all laughing in the background ……puke …. So good for s21 not liking her and so good for h feeling she was rushed and not a keeper.
S18 still maintains that nothing has changed; that h won’t stay with her. It been very confusing because as much as I try and accept that my m/r is completely over, absolutely everyone who knows we have split said immediately it’s a MLC and he will regret this and want me back in his life; even s18 maintains that his d still cares about me as he always asks him if I am ok and does he know what I have been doing etc. He pointed out that it took h 1 minute from the time of receiving the text that I was back in NZ to pulling over in his car and ringing him, he said “why would he do that if there was no interest?”
Idk, I get conflicting reports that he isn’t happy, then he is happy, it messes with my head. I try and keep focused on my plans, my direction, but it’s a distraction that I can’t help falling for. Anything to do with him draws me in so quickly.
I am missing my friends back in the UK, they are my angels and helped me get to the point I am now. I was building a life back in the UK, I started to smile and laugh again and learnt that there is a possibility of a life after h and although I know my sx2 are my priority and I am where I am supposed to be right now, I can’t help but feel very lonely and slightly drowning without my girlfriends around me.
Anywhoo – nothing has changed, apart from having a wet carpet and mattress lol. I think anything to do with h will continue to mess with my head – that’s love for you; it’s a powerful emotion and sometimes is not a nice one to have :o(
