So sorry you have to be here, but your in the right place to get some help. There are many wonderful people that can give great advice, it can just take time to get noticed. Individuals on here have outside commitments and with so many people posting, threads can easily be pushed back a few pages. Keep posting and eventually you will get some vets attention who can better help with your specific situation.
I'm very new to this as-well but what you need to be focusing on right now is yourself. Your H's affair is like a drug addiction and until OW is out of his life he will be emotionally blocked to you.
Make changes in your life for yourself, not your H. These changes are the ones that will stick. The only thing I can see you are doing wrong right now is thinking you are doing something wrong. You see nothing is happening yet and have expectations that they should be. Try not to have any expectations, especially ones with time frames.
Something I'm learning the hard way is how long this process really does take. Don't expect it to be over in a few days/weeks, it cant take months and even years. Also, you don't want to know whats going on in his head, its likely he doesn't even understand it right now.
You cant control him, only yourself, so work on changing yourself for the time being. The threads linked by Cadet at the beginning of your thread are great resources, try to read them all. The lighthouse story is one of my favorites and helped me through some of my beginning moments of panic and depression.
Its also helpful to look around at others threads and read through them. Many times you can find advice from others that will apply to your situation also.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
