Trying to Follow DB & DR

[MrBond]

"But this again brings up my dilemma of is this a change or merely self-preservation? I supposed I could argue that it is a change because I could just let things go in the place."

That's up to you. If it's up to self-preservation and not real change, why would she want to come back if you're the same.

"Because I felt my W being more emotionally distant.:

Again, you can't solely blame her for this because you were the one that willingly introduced the OC as well.

"One of the last things she said was she did things(people) in the swinging lifestyle that she didn't want to do. She never really expressed that to me, or if she did I didn't realize it. "

Like what? Did you ask her to do things that were demeaning? Did she have the idea of swinging also or was it your idea to start?

"I didn't like getting that close to having nothing left over, so I tried to get us to curb the spending back. Looking back should we have allowed ourselves to spend so we didn't get to this point? Yeah, probably."

You mean you tried to get HER to curb the spending. Again, there are other ways to do the things she liked to do without spending that much. You just have to be resourceful. But it didn't seem like you put the effort in.

"Chores mostly. Helping with the laundry, doing dishes, cleaning. "

Again, if you're only cleaning for now and will stop if she comes back, that's not real change.

"For birthdays and Christmas I have no problem spending money on her. "

That's because that part is in YOUR control. But you controlled how she spent money herself.

That's the difference.

Have you changed or are learning to change your attitude?