Suggestion....... Every time your wife says something that tempts you to cry/defend/rationalize with her jump up and go to the bathroom. Wash your hands for a full minute squeezing the soap between your hands to release tension.
Then go back to her, apologize for having a bladder the size of a pea and go on with whatever you were doing with a renewed sense of calm.
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
