I did crack and ask him if he missed anything about me and he said yes, he missed just connecting and talking to me as we were doing. I almost asked him if that was what he'd missed why he'd trashed it by sleeping around, but then I thought, What's the point? It's done. Move on.
There were places where he asked me to do some things for him and I said no, that I had already set it up for him twice and he hadn't taken care of it and now it was on him. (I said this nicely, not snotty, but I was firm.)
My overwhelming feeling now is that this was all a huge waste. It didn't need to have been like this. But also I'm feeling kind of liberated. I didn't realize how much insecurity I felt relying on his management of out finances, and how disenfranchised I felt about our goals and plans. The idea of driving my own bus, of not just drifting along in his chaotic wake, is very exciting to me. I already feel more grounded than I've felt in YEARS.
Incidentally, Labug, I noticed a certain discomfort when you called him unhealthy. I think I had always thought of him as above me; it didn't really sink in that he actually could be unhealthy because he was supposed to be better than me. And he presents as a rational guy.
Well, whatever that is worth. But I feel ready for my new life.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
