newcomer now receives mail in Hell

[bravo61]

hello all.

hit the wall this pm. woke up from my nap feeling horribly depressed. all these images of great times past as a family running through my head. i broke down in tears, sobbing, gut wrenching, soul destroying tears. this all happened so fast and i never even had a chance. sometimes i feel as if i'm dead already but the dirt hasn't been thrown on me.

XW came to pick up the kids yesterday. she said i looked good and wanted to give me a hug. i allowed her a half hug only. turns out, she caved and looked at the pics of the kids on FB. the kids were excited to see her and told her all about our adventures. i can hardly believe that i took two kids out of the country by myself!. before, my idea of watching the kids was parking them in front of the TV to watch Disney channel. and then grouse to my W at times that i had to watch them. i was a douche.

please keep me in your prayers, i'm REALLY struggling right now. the kids tell me everyday that i have them to "please Daddy, don't give up!" what's cool is that they also crawl up in my lap at nite while i'm reading the Bible and ask me to read it to them.