Introduction - least creative title

[Closer2]

My final DB coaching session was helpful. I'm a bit confused about how to handle contact with W going forward though.

My coach felt that cutting off money and asking her to leave the house may have been perceived by W as being controlling. Like I was trying to punish her. That she may view it as "more of the same old Closer2".

He made a good point that reminded me of an article by MWD regarding sex with a WW. The good thing about it is that it is challenging her beliefs that is not emotionally available to me. It's normal for her to pull back shortly after and tell me that we should stop, she doesn't have an emotional connection with me, etc, etc. He said that is the script. I should validate and be patient with her at those times. Basically keep doing the 180s from the Closer2 that she is divorcing. That is the Closer2 she does not have an emotional connection to, not this Closer2.

After my coaching session, I received a few texts from W. I replied in a much nicer tone and not with just one word answers. I also told her to have a great weekend and to enjoy her time with her friends.

W replied, "I'm so happy to see how you have changed. You're next relationship is going to be great." I didn't tell her that want a new relationship with her, that I don't even think about anyone else. Instead I thanked her. No contact since.

I think I am starting to understand the difference between loving detachment and general detaching. I detached during our M and she did from me. Communication was cold between us. I still love her, but I'm too dependent on her. I still feel that I need her to be happy. By detaching from her in a loving way, I will find happiness on my own without being cold and distant. I want her to know that I still care about her without her feeling pressure from me.

I'm not great with this emotional stuff and it's hard for me get my thoughts from head to the keyboard. I feel like I'm understand DBing better every day.