What does the LBH do when WW leaves, files for divorce, and pursues R with OM? Starsky, in particular, talks of fighting for his W and R. How can one do that when the W is no longer there, or interested?
To be clear, I almost always recommend fighting for the marriage EARLY -- for some pre-determined amount of time that you can stomach, post-BD (3-4 mos.?) Once there is an active legal divorce action, it would be very rare that I would recommend that someone "fight for" a wayward spouse.
A lot of it depends on "what do you know, when do you know it, and does SHE know that you know," so it can be more complicated than that, but generally speaking I advocate all of the strong moves (establish boundaries, firewall finances, fight for your marriage, aggressive affair-busting) be done EARLY and POWERFULLY. Over time, if the wayward spouse is still unrepentant and unwilling to end their affair, I'm more of a "RobX/let them go" guy.
Starsky
Well, I certainly did the aggressive affair busting early on. I sent an email to OM and W the night that I found out, and informed all of the adult children as well. This INFURIATED W and she said that there is no way she could ever get over the embarrassment, so she actively pursued divorce. I suspect that the REAL reason for quick divorce is to pursue R with OM, but it let's her save face by blaming me for exposing A and "embarrassing" her. Our "children" are all over 18, and are not happy with her choices.
Kramer, I am going to defer this to Starsky as he has had actual experience with this and is better positioned to answer your inquiry than I could.
