You could possibly create a sort of "System Restore point" for yourself and your wife if, say, you were to find out some new information (like existence of an OM, or something equally as significant) and then confront her on THAT.
In the mind of a wayward wife (and certainly, your wife is in a wayward mindset whether or not there is a current OM), the dynamics are quite a bit different if she is thinking "ANewGuy knows I'm having an affair (or "knows I've been lying to him"), and yet he still does ________ and says ________ and wants to _______" . . . vs. "Hmmmm, I wonder if he knows? Because if he does and he's still _______, ______ and _________, I think that's pretty weak -- he should be fighting for me! See, this is why I could never be married to him..." or "But if he DOESN'T know, that could explain his passivity."
See what I'm saying?
The dynamics are all very different when THEY know, and YOU know, and THEY KNOW THAT YOU KNOW . . . vs. when they think they've been successful in keeping you in the dark.
