Where to begin?

[Dawgs]

So, three Saturdays ago my wife told me she wants a divorce. It came out of the blue and as a complete shock. Although, looking back now there were signs - withdrawal, lack of intimacy, etc. Her reasoning was that I was mentally/emotional abusive (none that I recall), didn't support her, etc. Her sister and I had issues and I held a grudge toward her.

We were/are married for 7 years and she is the absolute love of my life. I knew we had problems, but I didn't want to see them - after all, how many men like to admit problems? However, she isn't without her fair share, too. As a child, she went through things that no child should ever endure - and enough for several children. Deep trust issues, etc.

I think part of the trouble is, is that she kept things bottled up for so long and maybe only mentioned something once and then internalized it. Now she is very angry and bitter toward me, the situation, and according to her - the world.

She has agreed to go to counseling just recently, because she realized that saying no wasn't being fair - but I am not sure if it is just a ploy... She is active duty military, also.

Now, the troubling stuff - she has lost a fair amount of weight (she never was overweight to begin with), cut her hair short (a few weeks ago) and spends a good bit of time on her iphone - and she hides it when I come in the room. The dreamist in me wants to thing that she is texting her sister or friend for support. But the red flag in me says otherwise. She also takes the phone everywhere whereas when she used to leave it when she went in another room.

She also left her social page still logged in on one of the devices (still is, because she hasn't looked at it in a while) and I looked (I know...) and found messages from two guys - in different states - that, I believe were/are friends of hers. At any rate, in both she talked about the divorce and in one she said "I told him" and there was a little extra talk about that and then an agreement to call.

Also, on that media site were uprivately synced pics (memes) from her phone talking about newfound love and also "seeing the one right before my eyes..." There are also ones about letting go of dead loves, etc. Too many red flags.. So, she told me that her counsler that she is seeing, or supposedly, suggest space and separation. So, she came up with the idea of staying in a hotel near the base for a couple of days to think and reflect. The base is about an hour away. In fact, she asked me 3 or 4 times if it was OK. The red flags in me suggested I hire a PI (she is there tonight) to watch - which I did. No respnse yet if she is really by her self or not. I will update once I hear something...