Trying to Follow DB & DR

[Miman2]

"I didn't do the one chore in the house that I was asked to do."
Has this changed?

"Didn't clean up after myself in and around the house."
Has this changed?

Naturally. I'm left with the place all to my self. I want to take care of my household. But this again brings up my dilemma of is this a change or merely self-preservation? I supposed I could argue that it is a change because I could just let things go in the place.

"Complained about the R between the W, OC and I."

What did she not like about it?

"The W stated I made her do things she didn't want to do in the past and now it was my turn."
Like what?

That should've read that "I complained about the R".
Because I felt my W being more emotionally distant.
One of the last things she said was she did things(people) in the swinging lifestyle that she didn't want to do. She never really expressed that to me, or if she did I didn't realize it.
Since I was stating that I didn't want to go see the OC occasionally she brought up the "I've done things I didn't want to, so now it's your turn"

"Used back pain as an excuse to get out of things."
Like what?

Chores mostly. Helping with the laundry, doing dishes, cleaning. Occasionally other things like working out, going out (especially to see the OC)

"Constantly wanted reassurance that she loved me either vocally or by touch."
These are just your insecurities.

"Convinced her we were better off staying home during weekends playing video games instead of heading out and blowing all our money."

This comment of "blowing all of our money" shows contempt towards her. You didn't want to spend the money or go out and do something that maybe didn't cost that much or nothing. Would you have rather spent the money now or live the way you do now?

When we first moved here we were living off of less than 20k a year. But somehow we never went broke. Now with us both making money (we made 5x as much last year, but we don't have much to show for it) we'd have close calls in months where we allowed ourselves to spend without regard. I didn't like getting that close to having nothing left over, so I tried to get us to curb the spending back. Looking back should we have allowed ourselves to spend so we didn't get to this point? Yeah, probably.

"Convinced her she was better off not spending money on salon and nail visits and that she could get just as good results at home if she did things her self. (Again a money/control issue)"

Yes.

"Basically allowed her to wait on me hand and foot and not really ever allowed her a break or show her any appreciation."

Really?

Yes. I was a bad husband. She did all the chores while I played video games and did very little to help her.

"Little by little over holidays/birthdays she would claim she didn't want anything so I would only get her flowers, take her to dinner, instead of getting her something."

Plus you probably thought that getting her something would be a waste of money.

You actually got that one wrong. For birthdays and Christmas I have no problem spending money on her. Year before last I bought her a $600 diamond necklace, she thought it was too much and asked to take it back and she picked out something cheaper ($200). She said she didn't feel comfortable having something worth that much around her all the time, like someone would steal it. Christmas I usually spend $200-$400 on her. Just for whatever reason that year she had everything she wanted and I couldn't think of anything to get her. I wound up getting her some flowering plant (I can't remember the name of it now) that she had wanted for years but I wouldn't get her because she has killed every plant she has ever had.

"She kept asking for a diamond anniversary ring, I kept telling her she had to wait until the correct year.

Same here about the money.

Not really, see above about the necklace. I wanted to get her an anniversary ring but she wanted a diamond anniversary ring like after year 1.

"Didn't suggest anything in the way of a vacation or a reward for her to spend the money she's earned and take some time off of work.
Meanwhile I would take frequent "work from home days"."

Again, probably didn't want to spend the money.

That's mostly correct.