Alpha - the future is now!

[alpha99]

Hi Luis and Toots,

Thanks for your comments, amendments and suggestions.

I think a good sign that the changes I am making are for me alone is that I am continuing with them even when I know my W will not see the benefit of them; that is I continue to use deodorant or whatever it is even on days when I am not going to see her.

I was deliberating whether to write some control or zero control Toots, I chose the latter as a way of reminding myself that ultimately it is her choice whether to come back or not. I do have some control as you say in that way that I can control how I behave and respond to everything that is going on.

A big 'un for me is undoubtedly managing my emotions. I have been dismissive of emotions in the past (both my own and others) but this whole thing has opened up something deep in me. These days I don't feel thick skinned as I used to. I think that is a good thing. Being dismissive of others' emotions was clearly not a good thing. Now I am trying to take my feelings and those of other people into far more consideration. Part of 'lashing out' verbally in the past was that if someone had said something similar to me, I wouldn't care. Clearly my W is not me and this kind of thing hurt her considerably, as she seems to relish telling me at the moment. I don't blame her there - only myself for not having seen that sooner.