I understand how your feeling, but Starksy and everyone who wrote as I followed the thread is right and is tough to control the emotion but you need to think on yourself, you need to look at your wife not as the cake but as the frost that comes on top.
Important step which I see your getting in place is your children. I know perfectly well that your fear to let go and twin mom has said that you need to accept and let go and work on you. The feeling is there for your wife. This cannot go away, and I'm not saying what you should do, but giving you my opinion. You are a good father, you seem very clever, and you should just face this as it's over, do what's best for your children, and respect your wife and be kind to her. Maybe she will see the change but the change you must truly do this not as a tool to win her back but to learn and improve on yourself. I really see you took action and so many people out there they end a relationship and never work on themselves with the healing process.
One thing I would find maybe good is IC but this is if you would find it beneficial, and is not for you to do but you yourself should think if you need this. I have undertaken this and I found it helped along reading books from Michelle from the site.
I hope I was not offensive and I really as everyone on this site hope good to come out from all of this.
