Confused & mix messages part 2

[aNewGuy]

Cherry,

My heart goes out to you as well as your H and baby! You because this is such a heart wrenching situation, and H because he really, clearly has no idea what's at stake here!

Now STOP here a second before you read on. I am very new here, also new to online forums in general, my WAW and I have no children, and my perspective on your situation is therefore quite limited. So do not act on what I say next without some confirmation from some other trusted source(s), OK? This is just my two cents...

Seems to me like he needs to SEE and ***NOT HEAR*** that his beautiful, super smart, super caring bride and mother of his child has had it with his disrespectful behavior, sees through his manipulations, and now chooses to take excellent care of her own needs and her child's needs whilst NOT be affected by any of his bad behavior any longer.

To make him see this, you might become scarce in his life. Allow him to wonder where you are, while you are doing some other thing you enjoy. For me it is target shooting with my air rifle in the back yard, grilling out with friends, projects around the house, short road trips. But for you and your child, it will be something different. Stuff YOU enjoy!

I hope you realize your strength in all of this, you've earned a degree, you've had the presence of mind to come to this site for help saving your family, and you have the kindness required to welcome a total newcomer to this site! Sounds like you have the necessary tools at hand for success at DBing so long as you accept this doesn't come easy and doesn't come quick. Life is long.

In reading your thread it sounds like you may become emotional and "let him have it" verbally sometimes. While he probably deserves every word of it, and I guarantee your emotions are real and raw and strong right now, I promise you this is an area where a "180" is worth trying and seeing if it helps you and ultimately your sitch.

When you two are talking, find the strength to suppress your emotions as well as the urge to speak your mind. Listen, listen, listen. Then listen some more. Listen actively, and remember your actions (in other parts of your lives besides the conversations between you) will essentially do all the talking for you! Become the queen of the two word answer for a while here. Then vent elsewhere. If this sounds like it rings a bell with you, then it may be worth a try. He won't know what to do if you suddenly no longer will engage him in his bad behavior!

I pray - and suspect others are praying too - the right wisdom comes at the right times for you at every step along the way!