For the LBH who has a WW Part 3

[MCS]

Sandi,

Thanks for this list. I see that my struggle is that I see a glimpse of one or two of these things coming from WW and then try to steamroll and try and force her to feel the other things.

To change topics slightly, From a LBS perspective, I've thought a lot of the term 'control.'

I think we all feel when we get here that that word has such a negative connotation, I believed it when my sitch was new. I've been to IC over the last 7 months and she helped me understand that this trait isn't a conscious need to suffocate or bound our spouse, but is more of a case of trying to influence someone else to try and create the outcome that we want or feel is right morally or spiritually.

To use a bad analogy, it's like taking the car keys from someone that you know is drunk. While that always seems like the right thing to do to protect that person as well as others, it is truly trying to take 'control' of a potential negative outcome. I think that us LBS instantly use that word as a major contributor of our fault and ownership of the sitch. However, as my IC has said while that may be what we feel is right for our M, our kids, our lives; LBS's need to accept that if the other person chooses to not embrace and/or consider our point of view, that by continuing to press our 'agenda' (another often misused term) it only is seen as threatening to the WW. This is often met with spew and negative connotation, even though in our hearts it's what we morally feel is the right thing to do.

I beat myself up for a couple months trying to reconcile my need of 'control' as a truly selfish act in my part, but in fact it's not. This is where I personally lean on my faith that while 'I' truly believe that R is the best thing, 'releasing control' to that Higher Power is what I needed to accept the place I'm in in my life right now,

I talked to a Pastor a few months back and he said that as long as we focus on what we feel is needed to be judged for eternal life, we cannot allow the distractions and influences of this world affect our decisions.

For me, I think this leads into the DB concept of detaching, but still caring. Working on what what we 'know' is the right thing based on our beliefs even though WW seems to push away any thoughts of it. In my case, right now it's patience in understanding that the outcome is not in my hands.