Confused 3

[Zues126]

Joe, your reflections are all good and I don't disagree these are not behaviors you have to be proud of or duplicate in your next R. But I disagree that this is all emotional abuse.

I am tired of that phrase. I don't know many men that claim to be emotionally abused. I don't say I've been emotionally abused, and I've been put through my share of pain.

I think the word "abuse" is very strong. There was a day when it was physical abuse. Yes, that's a black and white line, and a major one to cross. Somewhere along the way "emotional" abuse became a new age idea.

I'm not saying it doesn't exist, nor am I naive enough to think that it's ONLY name calling or screaming. But by the standards above most of the relationships I know have some form of abuse in them.

I guess I just object to the strength of the word. I consider it a serious accusation against a man, like the word "rape". I am not a rapist, and would hate being called an "emotional rapist" as if they were on the same lines.

I have regrets about my behavior. I DID do things that were hurtful, negligent, passive aggressive, or controlling many times. I will honestly try my best to be a better person. But I don't consider myself abusive to the level of someone that endangered their spouses physical or mental well being.

Like you I admitted my flaws in my threads, and even MAGNIFIED them thinking the more honest I could be the better my chances of saving my M. What I've learned is that crucifying myself is just as unhealthy as denying my faults altogether.