Newbie needs advice and encouragement

[Kramer]

She did give me her version, which attributed all the debt to me. She works at UCDAVIS, which has a 3 part retirement consisting of defined benefit (pension, defined contribution (403b), and tax deferred component. She only listed the tax deferred (30k), and neglected to mention 403b (150k) and pension (4500/month at age 55). While I never dreamed that I would be in this situation, I am legally entitled to half of that, which may be worth 500k with life expectancy of 80. I can not and will not just ignore that, especially since it was her actions that led us to this point.

She has grown so hateful towards me and the D doesn't seem to faze her at all. All she seems to care about is ending our relationship and moving forward with OM. She wants things to end quickly with me so that the timetable gets blurred regarding when she got together with OM. Her people at work already think that she left me in December because I was so horrible, and she was lucky to meet OM AFTER she left me vs the reality of starting an affair in September.

I am just so sad, depressed, and emotionally drained. I just want this to be over and pick up the pieces of my shattered life. I don't want divorce but have no choice.