RPP: Best Year Ever (18)

[Zues126]

OK. Two comments. One is I went through something similar with my STBX. I sent her a few EXTREMELY PERSONAL emails during our difficult times that bared my soul and left me very vulnerable. It was in an attempt to open up and plant the seeds for potential communication and healing.

I found out that she had forwarded them to her friends with the comment "how am I supposed to respond to THIS?"

I felt very betrayed. She never got it. I tried having her imagine how she'd feel if I persuaded her to make exotic love on camera for me to commemorate, and then later I played that video with my buddies drinking beers and laughing. I told her that's how I felt when she shared this type of thing with others. She dismissed those feelings and that hindered our communication going forward as I didn't have the same level of trust.

At BD by the way, she emailed me a long list of my faults and why she was leaving me. I found out that she had shared that email with my sister, her friends and family as well. That really bothered me. AND...this will lead up to something I post on my thread soon.

***HOWEVER*** I can't busdrive her too hard. I consider what she did a betrayal. I don't think it's right. I don't think she should have treated me that way. HOWEVER. I am NOT going to "celebrate" that I don't have to put up with that anymore.

Had my STBX had the strength of character to address her issues with me, avoid the temptations of other men and alcohol, and wanted to work on our R...I could accept that about her. I DIDN'T LIKE IT. AT ALL. But I wouldn't have ended our M over it. Even if it continued, even if I felt it undermined our trust and was disrespectful. You know why? Because I believe in M, and if she wouldn't change I'd have to deal with that.

So I hesitate to write a list of all my STBX's faults and celebrate my 'freedom' from them. My next partner will have faults too, as will I. I will do my best to EMBRACE those faults and make a good M with the WHOLE person, not just the parts of them I like. Ultimately I loved my STBX, and the only part of her I utterly reject is her decision to divide our family and end our M.

Not a "2x4" or anything, lord knows I'm not judging anyone here. And RPPFL, you know I look up to you as a model of good behavior. I just wanted to share my thoughts on this, that the sour grapes perspective isn't really fair. Sometimes I read this and think "oh, they'd NEVER get along with me if they were this critical of their ex". I don't think you'd want to project that impression with those around you.

Sorry, I tried to soften that and still think I came across as critical myself. I don't have the energy to rewrite this so I'm trusting that you'll know I don't mean it that way and am just playing with ideas, I'm not on a soap box in any way. Peace and strength rppfl, and keep leading!