train, how are you?

[Train]

Awwwww, sweet friends. Thank y'all so much! I'm here. I took a short posting-hiatus when I realized that everyone was giving such amazing advice, and I couldn't really add much. Ironically, at the same time, my laptop keyboard broke (apparently thanks to a cereal-and-milk splash by D3), rendering me incapable of typing an "e" (unless I copy/paste one) or hitting my return button. *** I want y'all to think about that for a minute: "E." And "return." It's like I'm missing two thumbs over here!!! Lol.

Baby's due in mid-May. I threw D18 an "empowerment party" with about 50 of my dearest mamabear friends recently. It was AMAZING! She is being supported and buoyed by some of the strongest women I know, and she doesn't yet realize just how much it will all eventually mean to/for her.

She's doing great, working full-time hours, and her co-workers are keeping her spirits up. We are now chatting about after-baby work/college plans. It's crazy that everything's so close.

Still no involvement from BabyDaddy, but D18 still communicates with him in texts. Which p!sses me off. We've made his name off-limits here; any time he's mentioned, I start in about how she needs to respect and value herself more - traits I *know* I instilled in her. And she cries because she feels she doesn't know herself anymore. D18 approached Baby Daddy's mom a few weeks ago; she didn't tell (and still hasn't told) me about it. But apparently, BabyDaddy's mom said her son is too young to be supporting a family right now. (Do NOT get me started ...) And she apparently also said that if her son wants nothing to do with D18 and her baby, then she doesn't, either. (If any of you ever saw my long-winded, venting post in the "Hen House" thread a while back ... which was essentially an open discussion about how women contribute to the emasculation of men ... then you'll know just how much this situation has fueled my long-standing fire re: mothers raising sons with no balls. )

Anyway, I have held back on telling D18 that I know about the conversation. She's very private. And I am trying to learn not to jump in and fix things for others, including my kids ... especially considering D18 is a legal adult. (That's one of my 180s from my DB days that I'm still practicing! .) But it's hard because I'm hurting SO badly for her. I know how that rejection feels. And it's one thing for an adult to be rejected; it's totally different when someone rejects your child.

I took D18 on a date a few weeks ago, and it was great; she's a Quality Time gal, and it's been far too long since it's been just the two of us. I'm just sitting back and supporting HER in growing into her new skin. I keep telling her she is strong and creative and powerful enough to work her way through this. And I know she is ... and will. I just think it will take time. It just blows to sit back and watch someone I love SO much prolong her own pain and suffering by not heeding the advice from someone who has been there ... and who she has *watched* be there. But God knows all of us here have learned to have patience through THAT. So, yeah, the things I learned here help me even in my relationships with my grown children ...

Meanwhile, my fingers are working non-stop, designing art and invitations, making shower- and nursery-decorations, crocheting and sewing baby blankets ... and crib mobiles. Whew. I can't say I'm far enough removed from having D3 to have had time to "miss" this. But I'm so happy to see D18 smile as everything comes together. This has been rough on her. She's been rejected/abandoned by so many men in her life: her bio dad, her stepdad (twice) and now the father of her child. She will probably have some serious self-work to do eventually. But right now, it's one foot in front of the other. And Baby comes first.

H and I are doing well, too, ESPECIALLY considering the circumstances. Make no mistake: it's no cake-walk over here. But we are still working together and learning to navigate all this as a team. We are still talking about us a lot and supporting one another a lot. And our date nights are still etched in stone every week ... and fabulous!

I worry about what impact the baby will have on things. But I'm growing MORE relaxed as time moves on instead of more tense. And I think that's a great sign.

Thank y'all for checking in on me. I promise I'm still reading every day, several times a day. Maybe the "no e" is a blessing in disguise; since I have to write from my phone, I can't ramble as much!!! Speaking of which, I have a thumb cramp!!! Anddddddd I gotta go watch my Tarheels!

Heart all y'all to pieces!!!!