Newbie needs advice and encouragement

[Kramer]

I am hoping that I can get some feedback regarding what to do next in my situation:

Quick recap:
Sep-Dec 2014: friction, strife, and arguing in M.
New Years Eve: I discover PA since September.
1/9/15: she files divorce and I leave house.
3/18/15: I finally get served D papers. She gets own place and is still seeing OM.

I have been backing off on all non essential communication for the last month. She accuses me of being distant and hateful, even though I have never badmouthed her , yelled at her, or been overtly mean. I am distant and matter of fact in my communication with her.
She has absolutely no interest in reconciliation and is moving full force ahead with divorce. She expects me to take on all the debt and does not want me to touch her retirement, which is MUCH larger than mine. I have been advised by many people on this board to get a lawyer ASAP and to protect my assets and future.

I have spoken with lawyer, and his advice was to speak with STBXW and try to get this done between us, thus saving a lot of money. Our case (California) is very straightforward (50/50 for all debts and assets), and we have no children between us and no property. He is perfectly willing to take my money, but the result will be the same.

Would it be against DB protocol to reach out to her and pass on this information? She has always been a sensible and smart person in the past, but who knows where she is at as a WW. Part of me wants to save the money and do this between us, but another part is just so fed up and tired of the pain and stess of dealing with her.

I cannot stop divorce, as much as I would like to. The end result will be the same, with or without lawyers.

Help!!!