For the LBH who has a WW Part 3

[Zues126]

The reason vows and commitment are so important to me is that they provide standards when our own standards might be suspect.

Kind of like laws, religious beliefs...they keep us in check and tell us the right way to behave when we feel like being destructive or selfish. We do what we believe is right as much of the time as we can.

Wedding vows are the same. "for worse, in sickness". All in the vows as FULL DISCLOSURE that things will be difficult. But that we are committing to remain true through that.

If the vows are just words then it becomes a matter of when we feel like leaving. To me that's not a marriage. That's a ride in the sunshine until it inevitably starts to rain.

I maintain that anyone that adds a "but" to the statement "I don't believe in divorce..." truly DOES believe in divorce. I do not.

The sad part and why this touched a nerve with me is that everyone is willing to make those vows, and there isn't a good way to tell who means them and who doesn't. It's unfair to those that mean them. It's like becoming friends with someone and saying "I promise I won't ever physically harm you if I'm angry" and them agreeing. But then they get angry and punch you in the face, and when you say "we agreed not to do that" they say "well, I didn't know I'd get THIS angry, if I'm this angry then I can hit you".

Mozza, I'm not judging you or even saying I'm right to feel the way I do, but we definitely disagree on this one. I DON'T believe it's ok to leave a M unless it's truly an act of self preservation, and the problem with even THAT clause is that WAS's are so delusional that they'll twist a 5 year old argument into "an emotionally abusive relationship that they must escape". And it's easy to get people to validate that.

I will do my best to thoroughly scrub any future partner I have to try to differentiate those that TRULY mean their vows vs. those that believe in fair weather marriages. No guarantees in my life but at least I understand that not everyone means these words equally so will have these conversations with them and look at the way they talk about past relationships to see if they mean it. That is why I'm so inspired by these forums, it's nice to see women exist that feel this way.