For me BD was the shock. When she BD'd me and asked me to leave the house I was wide awake. I didn't know she was in an A (it became a slight EA prior to BD, and a PA after I moved out...if what she told me is true, but who knows) until 3 months later. I suspected just based on what I'd seen but I wasn't sure.
Honestly that has never impacted me. I don't take it as personal, I see it just as another destructive decision like her drinking. But whether she lies in a lovers nest projecting fantasies onto OM because she's feeling powerful brain reactions, to me that's not a big deal.
I always said that had she truly been on a healing route of self reflection and discovery, then 6 months down the road after the D met a guy at church that was widowed, and started having deep talks and developing the start of a healthy R, etc...that would've been much harder. Watching an emotionally empty woman that was in a lot of pain give herself physically to other men to feel important and attractive, well I just feel bad for her.
Make no mistake, it would be hard to get over if she wanted to R, but more because I wouldn't trust her character to behave in the future, not just because it hurt my feelings.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
