Just journaling, Came back to see where I'd been last time I was here. I'm disappointed to be in the same damn spot.
I have no reason to want to leave. No dire circumstances making me want to leave. No OM, or other situation calling my name. Still struggle with what is better for my children: this is not the marriage I would want for them. I don't want to be anywhere near him. I don't want him home when he's there, I don't want him going anywhere with me...But, what does divorce show them about commitment, about 'family above all else', unconditional love, conflict resolution, all kinds of things, ugh. I don't want anyone hurt. I think we all are, at least on some level. But who's to say a change would make anything better; maybe it'll make things worse for them. IC said he thinks I'd be ok with aliens taking H, I think so too...how horrible. I also seem to think the worst of M in the Spring, weird. I wonder about that.
Anyway, feeling more apathetic than Shanti-like lately.
