If it helps at all, I used monthly goals in the early stages of my sitch. And TBH, most of them were about survival. They included things like:
Find an IC and start counselling Find a new volunteering opportunity (GAL) Find and start going to a new book club Make 'this much' money this month (I left my job) Arrange lunch with X friend Read X self help book Go to one infidelity support group session
All of these were about helping me get through things. At that time H and I were having regular talks too and he was continuing his A. This was before I discovered DB and stopped all pursuit.
You mention a very stark choice above - fight with all my heart or give up. Yes, fight with all your heart - but do it to rediscover yourself and what you want from life. Truly the advice you are getting is the best way forward right now, and fighting for your W or pursuing are going to keep driving her away.
I once read a quote in a book about bereavement, and it has always stayed with me - "our happiness can never depend entirely upon someone else." And I think you need to see and believe that is the case. I look at my life now, and there are many wonderful people in it, who bring me much joy - apart from H. Although he was the most important for me and I have lost him - at least for now.
A turning point for me was when I truly accepted he is gone right now. I fought against that for months. I read books with a highlighter. I planned our conversations and made notes. I made notes about the notes and so on. What will 'solve' this??? Then one day I truly accepted - it is what it is. And I threw all my notes in the bin, and just started moving forwards...
Wishing you well on your journey Errod. You'll get there......(((Errod)))
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
