Alpha - the future is now!

[alpha99]

Spot on as ever.

Intellectually I do understand what I need to do. Emotionally I am struggling to be capable of doing what is necessary. There are so many thoughts and feelings, those of guilt towards my children should I one day meet someone new (feels like they would be downgraded in importance in some way), those of regret that our marriage didn't work (should it not ultimately), fear of loneliness, and so many others.

I know I need to lose the fear. I know that. I have read so many times that it was only when someone truly let go that their spouse showed some attention. As I've written previously, if I saw more of my children properly then that would be easier. As it is, not seeing them very often at the moment, it is incredibly hard.

edit: I will look at the other type of relationship you mentioned starksy.

If anyone reading this could help, what specifically were the things that you changed for yourself?

I have changed my appearance, used deodorant, more consistent in dental care, had my teeth cleaned, bought glasses etc. These things are more superficial than personality changes. Those I'm trying to work on are: being more patient with people, using agreement rather than arguing and reason, becoming more independent and self confident, having a positive, non sarcastic outlook on life.

I am reading 5 love languages right now. Am I right to say that I should implement the findings from this at some future point should my wife come around to things. I guess at the moment trying to use her love language in our brief encounters and given that I'm trying to pull back and detach would be a bad idea. I guess I was thinking that pulling back but doing something positive when we did meet makes sense, but maybe I'm confusing myself.