When you quoted my comments, I understand what you mean. I was never really aware of the things that she didn't like. OK, maybe I was with some of them but dismissed them. If I had been then I would have changed those things for her if they were things that I agreed were not desirable. I am now making those changes because I realise that they are not desirable traits in me. I dearly hope that my wife notices these changes and responds positively but if she doesn't then they will be there still for whoever comes along next. It is a paralyzing fear that my wife will end up in a proper relationship with someone else, I will too, and it will haunt both of us and our children for a lifetime.
Alpha, as I've seen in MANY of your posts, INTELLECTUALLY I think you get it. That's the part in blue, and you have it precisely right.
But the part in red totally negates any intellectual or emotional progress you make on the first part, and snuffs it out with the second part. Learn to "LOSE THE FEAR," and you will have begun the successful part of your journey.
"Losing the fear" is THE hardest part of DBing, for most of us.
