I am extremely lost and stuck. My brain says move on it is over and my heart says continue to battle until my last breath.
Your trying to make something happen instead of letting it happen. You don't give up and say everything is lost, and you don't fight for it with every last breath. Your not in control of what happens with W, only yourself. You accept whats happening is going to happen and work on yourself until it plays out. The hardest part of this sometimes is the waiting.
You have to get to the point where you accept whatever happens with your W. You basically just have to separate yourself from her(detach) and continue to live your own life and work on your own issues regardless of her.
Patience and time. I'm struggling so hard myself with trying to detach and get W out of my head enough where I can function normally. Its not easy, this is the hardest thing we may ever go through, but its survivable.
I know your D seems to be progressing faster than you want and in your mind you have this countdown where you think its either saved before then or its gone. Don't think this way. Even if you divorce, whos to say a year later she realizes she made a huge mistake. Don't expect this, just understand its just as possible as the divorce being forever. That's why you detach now and live your own life.
Try to go a full day without thinking about your W at all. Every time she enters your mind push the though out, even if its every 10 seconds. Find something to do to get your mind off things. Just try and shut your brain down. I know its hard, I'm working on it right now and I'm struggling. Take baby steps. You may only last for a few minutes at first. Keep it going and then it will turn into a few hours, then a day. Before you know it you will be able to go a few days without obsessing and things will be much more manageable. Good luck.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
