Confused & mix messages part 2

[Heart14]

H came home late so no time for a talk.. Trying not to read into the fact he can't make the time to talk to me..

Talking will not solve this right now. He is essentially addicted to the affair. As you've seen little else matters to him at this point. Actions are much more important than words right now.

But it's a positive and boost to me to think I'm physically looking good, I need to get my mentality to the point where I'm detached and he will no longer hurt me.

I'm glad you are feeling better about yourself physically. How do you feel about yourself outside of that?

Having a child is a tough transition. I think as women, we often lose ourselves a little when we are so focused on taking care of our baby and trying to juggle all of our responsibilities. Excluding your H from the equation, what do you need/want to make life happier than it is right now?

If I didn't have a child with him I would go travelling for a bit. But I can't really take his child even though he isn't really being a dad right now.

Why not? You are allowed to take a trip without him. It doesn't have to be long. Could just be a weekend or a week. Whatever would help you. If H doesn't want you to take the baby,and you trust him to take care of your son, tell H he can take care of the baby while you're gone.

((((Cherry)))) I know this is hard. It won't be like this forever. Eventually you'll find your strength. You're life will improve with or without H.

I don't know if this will help you or not. When I was frustrated and angry about my H's action but knew I wanted to stand for the M, I set a time limit for how long I would put up with the uncertainty. In my head I told myself, I'll give this 6 months. I'll focus on me and my child during that time. At the end of those 6 months, I'll evaluate how I feel and decide which actions to take. Just a thought. I found it helped me to stop obsessing about what he was doing and instead look at me. The only thing I could actually control anyway.