Until you've walked in my or Sandi's shoes as the OP, you and others will NEVER fully comprehend nor understand the allure of OW/OM. Trust me, I knew it was "wrong" alright....so does your WAS.
I can see that you and others who are extremely stringent about the line that WAS should wait until D to get involved are coming from a place of such deep, utter betrayal that you take this hard line because it is incredibly painful to experience the receiving end of it. I am not saying that it is wrong to do so....you are in a protective mode. I get that.
I think you misunderstand where my beliefs are coming from. It is my belief before, during, recently after and now LONG after what my wife and I went thru that it's morally wrong for a married spouse to have an affair due to their unhappiness in the marriage, and the fact that "I've tried to talk to him about it, but he just didn't listen."
Do I UNDERSTAND it? Hell yeah -- it's basic human nature. Love, lust, meeting unmet physical and emotional needs . . . I get ALL of it, and have even been through it -- twice. I just think you should end your marriage before you give in to it.
