Mozza- that's NOT what she's supposed to do. When she meets OM in August and starts feeling her M is dead, she's supposed to understand those are FEELINGS caused by a DRUG like reaction to a stimulant. Then she's supposed to cut him out of her life, wait for 6-12 months past when she feels involved with him, and work on her M with you.
This makes sense. However, it is a rather simplistic approach to the real problem. I had my own OW because I was in a vulnerable and messy place at that stage of my life. I do UNDERSTAND the pull of OW/OM. As Sandi related earlier, it was a shot in the arm when someone pays attention to you and you are feeling somewhat vulnerable. Once it crosses the physical plane, it is VERY VERY difficult to cut off the emotional high from engaging in sexual relations with the other person. All reason flies out of the window. It is all about the 'feel good' emotion and we want more of THAT.
This is why I allude this to being akin to a heroin addict...we will do anything to get that "fix" or high. At that point, we will not listen to "reason" and if you try to bash the OM/OW....WATCH OUT because it will just draw them closer as in a "us versus them" mindset.
If one is healthy, strong and generally happy in their M, they are able to bat away any potential advances by the other person. I have done this in real life because I am confident and secure.
I am not saying that the WAS is blame less or gets a free pass on engaging in an A. All I am saying is that once one touches the "forbidden fruit", then all bets are off....unfortunately. The plus side of the equation is that affairs do burn out because reality creeps in and the true colors of the OP shows up thus providing a stark contrast to the happy, upbeat LBS.
