A suggestion, stop focusing on what you "hate" about your situation and focus on what's good in your life.

What we focus on expands. I used to think that was mumbo-jumbo but it's true. It's so much easier for the mind to ruminate on the negative. WE have to work to go move to the positive.

In the SIL situation instead of going from her loss and how that affects you, stay with your thoughts of her and what you can do for her.

You're a baker, bake a cake. (I'm from the sorta-south, that's what we do when people die, make food.) Even if it's not the custom where you live, I bet her kids would enjoy it.

Do you have a close friend with whom you can be yourself?

Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss