For the LBH who has a WW Part 3

[Zues126]

Mozza- that's NOT what she's supposed to do. When she meets OM in August and starts feeling her M is dead, she's supposed to understand those are FEELINGS caused by a DRUG like reaction to a stimulant. Then she's supposed to cut him out of her life, wait for 6-12 months past when she feels involved with him, and work on her M with you. She is to tell you of what nearly happened and explain that she isn't just recommitting to the M because she'll never leave, but that she doesn't want to leave under the influence, and that things need to get better or she WILL leave.

Frankly I did something similar in 2011. I was 31 and went through a MLC. I was a new manager and felt old as I worked with a bunch of 24-26 year olds that went out for happy hour every night and did exciting things on the weekend. My W at the time was a SAHM that wore sweatpants, gained weight, and neglected me and put 100% of herself into the kids and her role as a mom. So here I was surrounded by a bunch of young women that seemed to admire me, and I had to come home to someone that ignored me or treated me with irritation. IT STUNK. That is not right.

I developed feelings for one of these women. Nothing physical happened, and there was no EA in the sense that OW DIDN'T KNOW. I never told her, I never acted on anything, no conversations about "us". I just FELT different around her, and she was on my mind TOO MUCH. So guess what I did? I met with my boss AND the OW, told her I was having this trouble, that my M came first, and if that meant I had to RESIGN MY JOB to get away from the situation I would be willing to. I told my W that day what I had done and why.

As it turns out once I came clean the feelings went away almost IMMEDIATELY. And I was actually able to work in the same department with OW because of this and didn't have to quit.

The sad part is that my W considered this a BAD thing on my side, that I "shouldn't have ever felt this way". And instead of looking in the mirror and making any changes on HER end, she blamed me and grew colder which only contributed to our bad M. Funny, I actually am PROUD of how I handled the situation. Had she handled the situation with her OM the same way we'd still be M and could be working on things.