When is kindness enough?

[Mozza]

Ripe - I'm sorry you find yourself here. I can't say that I'm all that surprised though. Some problems are apparent in your initial posts and best summarized here.

I became more loving, more gentle and attentive, but I now know I was just pursuing.
Her detachment, coldness, cruel words and actions kept increasing.

Neediness is repulsive to women, more so than for men. You keep thinking that you are kind, but in fact you are telling your W that you are not worthy of her love because you don't stand for yourself. What you need to do now is to find your center and your boundaries and show them to your W. It's not about little stuff like the pills and plane tickets, it's about the big picture of being respected. This stuff of sleeping on the ground is really not impressive. She bosses you around, clearly.

If you're up for reading, the thing that would probably help you most at this stage is No More Mr Nice Guy. You say you've been on these boards for a few months, so you may have seen references to it. Have you read it already? It will show you a lot of what's wrong with "being Nice" and partly why is it that your W is no longer attracted to you.

Also, go to the top of my thread and read some of the success stories to understand how DB really works. You need to get out of the mindset that "kindness" is the way to go. Kindness is good in a normal M, but not in our situations.

If your W was defending the adulterer in the TV show, ask yourself how far down this road she has gone. If she was to leave you without an OM, then maybe she'd pride herself for this and claim that adulterer are horrible people.

Keep posting, keep asking questions, keep DBing.