Starsky, yes I briefly read about boundaries but I haven't spent much time studying that topic to figure out how to apply it to my situation.

I do not want to live in an open marriage. My problem is to find out the right strategy to achieve that.

I afraid that me being confrontational will make her go back to her old ways of not giving a damn.
I'm torn between waiting it out, give her space and let the affair die vs setting firm boundaries with the risk of inviting more drama.

M 30
W 31
S8 and S6
M 7 T 13
D-Day Mid December 2014
EA/PA confirmed end of December 2014

Help needed:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2550514#Post2550514