I had a similar night last night, as the OM is still in the picture, but in the end, you have to be who YOU want to be, not who you are based on what they do. Their choices are just that, theirs.
Its tougher than hell! It hurts, you'll cry, from sadness, rage, hurt, all the above. But give yourself that time to do it. Don't push it away. Grieve a bit, it helps you find your resolve. Men, especially just haven't grown up with complex emotions and how to deal with them as well as women (not saying similar situations for women would be ANY less hard).
Toe the line. Keep your resolve. If she falters, be the rock that stays put in your feelings and boundaries. In the coming weeks and months, doing this will help YOU. And she'll either come around, or she won't. Its a sucky thing to think about, but thinking about that possibility makes it more real, allows you to deal with the emotions around it, process, and truly be stronger for it.
I FEEL your pain man. It [censored]. Its totally unfair. But don't get stuck in a victim mentality. You're learning amazing things now, and you're going to be a better man, partner, and person through all of this.
Re-read through Sandi's 37 points daily. It REALLY does help. Make it part of your morning, and nightly routine, and whenever you're feeling "off". Make sure to write down what you believe deep inside about yourself too. My list goes like this:
I AM:
Improved and improving daily!
Strong both as a man, a partner, and a father
Powerful, both in mind, body, and spirit
Emotionally Connected with myself, and those around me that are willing and open
A positive role model for my children, my family, and my friends
Honest, Trustworthy and in control of my emotions
Deserving of affection, from myself, and from others
Use it, just like the 37 points. Live it. Falter. Pick yourself up. And then continue.
It [censored] for us right now. But its going to get better in the future.
M: 10 years, T: 12 years Me: 41, WAW: 38 SS:19, D:18, SD:7
