Thanks for checking in, labug. I really appreciate it. Been an interesting few days. I've been really mulling over Mozza's perspective. I'm working very hard at seeing my STBX the way that Mozza describes him. I'll admit that I have been holding on to more than a bit of anger. Who cares that it's justified. It's certainly not doing me any good. So, it's time to let go. It's time to let go of the anger I have towards myself, too.
My SIL's father just passed away (a month after my FIL passed). He was a wonderful man, and my heart aches for her and her family, and especially her kids who have lost two granddads in as many months. Moments like this bring up painful reminders that I am no longer part of their family. I'm going to a viewing, and it will be very lonely for me. My MIL and her family will be there. I will really have no one that I can be open and vulnerable with. That makes me sad.
I'll have a car ride with STBX and our D Friday night, which will give me a chance to test out my new dropped-rope attitude, under quite awkward circumstances. I don't know how to make small talk with him. So, my goal is to not be so nervous and self-conscious. To just be ME-- a caring, kind, intelligent, beautiful person.
I'm not sure what my future holds. I hate being a single mom. I hate being alone. I miss being held. But I'm going to be great. I set some specific goals for myself (starting with getting to bed earlier, and meditating). I am looking forward to what's next for me.
